Manna, I'm Broke

Don't bother trying to find Warren Buffett's email address.  I'll save you the time and energy--it aint listed.  Unfortunately, I know from experience.  Just when I thought I could get a financial foothold, I go to the dentist and find out that I need a root canal; to the tune of $940.  Then add another $900 for the crown.  I'm already broke, so with those kinds of expenses, you might understand why I'd gone hunting for Warren Buffett's generosity. 

When I got home from the dentist with the bad news I felt discouraged, overwhelmed and angry.  "Yeah, YOU'RE good, God, but I'm not."  There was not an ounce of joy in my life.  Thank the Lord that I was wise enough to realize it.  Living a joyless life sucks.  Why wouldn't it?  It's joy-less.  My beautiful girlfriend tried to speak truth to me about God's goodness and how He will provide somehow, if not money then peace but I wasn't hearing it.  "You're good God, thats awesome.  That doesn't help ME right now."  

I felt convicted (rightfully so) for barking at her and God, so through my teeth I got onto my knees and prayed.  I didn't even know what to say, so that's where I started.  "I don't know what to say God, I need you right now and I have a lot of doubts."  God spoke to me when I was being genuine--something that for whatever reason, I don't often do.  I pretend or dance around the heart of the matter.  This is a habit I intend to break.

But God spoke to me down in my room.  He reminded me of His track record with me.  I've been burdened in some very real ways, but I'd never been sunk.  He brought to mind the story of the Israelites and how He provided manna for them every morning, and there was always just enough.  He shined two spotlights in my mind--one on my idea of security and the other on the Israelites'.  

I picked up my Bible and flipped to Exodus 16.  Well, my first thought was to turn to Job but I thought that might be a little overdramatic.  So I started reading about how the Lord provided.  I used to gloss over the fact that they had to pick their food up off of the desert floor.  God didn't provide them with juicy, enormous burger pattys, bleu cheese crumbles, crispy little onion straws, secret sauce...I need to stop.  He gave them flakes of bread that they ground into little cakes.  In Exodus 16: 19, Moses says, "No one is to keep any of it until morning."  I can't keep my flakes?  Some of them didn't have enough faith that God would satisfy their hunger.  Perhaps they looked at the foggy future and reckoned that they'd be wise to take matters into their own hands.  That's what I do.  And Exodus 16: 20 says, "Some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning but it was full of maggots and began to smell."  

The part of this whole root canal situation that made me angry was because I have genuinely been trying to live on a budget, albeit shoe string.  I have envelopes that [are supposed to] hold car, phone, student loan, tithe, savings, misc money.  As of right now, 95% of my envelopes are empty.  It's enormously frustrating to me because, to my core, I just want to financially responsible.  But right now I'm not in a position to put money away.  I feel like God is teaching me to wait on Him to provided.  In the past I have always had just enough for a specific bill.  Just like the Israelites with manna.  "He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little."  God's funny like that.  I squeeked by paying for a $250 speeding ticket (thank you Wisconsin) and somehow it'll be the same for $1,800 worth of dental work.  

And saving is wise.  I don't think it is unimportant.  I dream for the day when I can save a little money but it just isn't my life right now and I need to accept that.  If and when I have some extra cash, it will be stewarded wisely.  But that is a big IF.

God can be trusted.  I say that in the midst of this situation that will be financially difficult.  GOD IS FAITHFUL.  I am hard-pressed but not crushed.  I can not wait to see what happens.  Getting recentered on God's firm foundation does wonders for my attitude.  It doesn't make me a christian robot, who walks around grinning ear to ear, picking up babies and overtly waving at people.  What it does is give me an inner confidence that, just as I mentioned above, I am not crushed.